smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
