I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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