I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
