Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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