bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
