Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
