I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
