if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
