you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
