Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
