Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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