I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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