You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will pee on everything he values.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
