omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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