we're blogging at a bar
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
