I cannot find my penis.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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