Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
