idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
