He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
