But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
