Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You can't motorboat a personality
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
