She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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