you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
