Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
