I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
