i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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