There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
