in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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