mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
