so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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