8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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