omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
