I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
