I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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