I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
