My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i permit you to call me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
