why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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