I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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