its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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