Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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