I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
