I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
