You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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