you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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