put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
