apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have aggressive nipples.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
