i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
is it fun? or sober?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
