We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
