You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
