He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
