All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
