Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
