Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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