What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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