Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
