so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
