Will you blow on my dice?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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