and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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