some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
