dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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