Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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