Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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