Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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