im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
