he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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