how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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