conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
